Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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