I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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