do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Randomize
