I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
