dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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