You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
