i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
