Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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