he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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