so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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