We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
