hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
