what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
PANTIES FOUND
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