god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
