my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
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