ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
