It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
