My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
