Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Randomize
