i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
