Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
