i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
