My nipple is on Facebook.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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