my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
