Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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