is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
