would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
