Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
