I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
