remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize