Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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