Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
A+ Viking dick
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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