can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize
