Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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