I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
