Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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