I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
We left the knife in your bed.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
