Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
