i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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