When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize