i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Randomize
