You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
