dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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