Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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