FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Randomize
