I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
