She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
