His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
We need a shit load of segways right now
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
