ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
