Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
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