Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
