i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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