happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
