You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
the condom got lost in my hair
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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