is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
