this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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