She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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