i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
