I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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