BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
