nut hugger
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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