I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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