she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
