I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
