i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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