Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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