I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
