just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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