I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Is her dick bigger than yours?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Randomize
