so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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